Humbled

Good morning! This past Sunday, it was pouring rain and flooding in all the lower areas, so I decided to stay home and listen to a DVD sermon about forgiveness. The effects of this decision are still being felt in my life!

Example: Yesterday I came out to the airport to help Travis with the mowing. We are way behind, especially in the area of weed whacking and spraying weed killer! But, I had it in my mind as to exactly what I was going to do and how. After all, he asked me to help and I envisioned this pleasant day--working side by side out in the fresh air!

NOT! When I arrived, there was my husband, playing a computer game, then fussing over the new printer that somehow had become "disconnected" from the network of computers. So, I went out to the tractor shed, started up the grasshopper and went to work. He never appeared. Hmmm!

Then, I got the weed whacker and went to work until it broke down, then I got on the big tractor and went to work until I needed a break. Still no Travis! When I went inside, there he was on the computer...playing a game and very grumpy!

Well, let me tell you...I was furious inside. Why did I have to do all the work? Why was he grumpy at me? What gave him the right to sit and play while I was working? etc., etc. Get the picture?

I remembered the sermon that I had listened to on Sunday and tried to change the tide of my rebellious, judgmental thoughts! And, it worked for awhile, but they kept creeping back in.

Things came up that needed attending to...a plane needed fueling--Travis played on, so I got up and went out to do that. Again...ugly thoughts and mutterings.

To end this....I was finally sitting in front of the computer, posting some checks and entries into the accounts, when I glanced down and looked at the date. September 17th. I hadn't thought about the date up until that moment and suddenly--the light bulb went on! It was our oldest son's birthday...He would have been 38 years old, if he was still alive, but he had died a month before his 28th birthday.

Oh my gosh! All the bitterness and complaining washed right out of me and I couldn't hold back the tears. It was horrible, wonderful, cleansing, but most of all---very humbling! No wonder Travis couldn't get up the gumption to come out and pleasantly weed whack with me! No wonder he was grumpy and slumped over a computer game. Emotionally, he was whacked! And suddenly, so was I!

No more mowing--just waves of grief! Not huge waves, but waves none-the-less! So, once again--I was reminded, rather strongly, that I DIDN'T know what was really going on and my rights had NOT been violated!

Conclusion? I told Travis to go home...take some time by himself--I would close up the airport for him. And he did! When I returned home, he had been able to share with one of our kids, over the phone, about something happening in their lives and was renewed once again! He'd been able to cry and woke up this morning--back to his cheerful self.

Needless to say, I'm still feeling pretty embarrassed and humbled inside. I just wish that I could remember this lesson the next time something comes up!