Thursday, September 18, 2008

Humbled

Good morning! This past Sunday, it was pouring rain and flooding in all the lower areas, so I decided to stay home and listen to a DVD sermon about forgiveness. The effects of this decision are still being felt in my life!

Example: Yesterday I came out to the airport to help Travis with the mowing. We are way behind, especially in the area of weed whacking and spraying weed killer! But, I had it in my mind as to exactly what I was going to do and how. After all, he asked me to help and I envisioned this pleasant day--working side by side out in the fresh air!

NOT! When I arrived, there was my husband, playing a computer game, then fussing over the new printer that somehow had become "disconnected" from the network of computers. So, I went out to the tractor shed, started up the grasshopper and went to work. He never appeared. Hmmm!

Then, I got the weed whacker and went to work until it broke down, then I got on the big tractor and went to work until I needed a break. Still no Travis! When I went inside, there he was on the computer...playing a game and very grumpy!

Well, let me tell you...I was furious inside. Why did I have to do all the work? Why was he grumpy at me? What gave him the right to sit and play while I was working? etc., etc. Get the picture?

I remembered the sermon that I had listened to on Sunday and tried to change the tide of my rebellious, judgmental thoughts! And, it worked for awhile, but they kept creeping back in.

Things came up that needed attending to...a plane needed fueling--Travis played on, so I got up and went out to do that. Again...ugly thoughts and mutterings.

To end this....I was finally sitting in front of the computer, posting some checks and entries into the accounts, when I glanced down and looked at the date. September 17th. I hadn't thought about the date up until that moment and suddenly--the light bulb went on! It was our oldest son's birthday...He would have been 38 years old, if he was still alive, but he had died a month before his 28th birthday.

Oh my gosh! All the bitterness and complaining washed right out of me and I couldn't hold back the tears. It was horrible, wonderful, cleansing, but most of all---very humbling! No wonder Travis couldn't get up the gumption to come out and pleasantly weed whack with me! No wonder he was grumpy and slumped over a computer game. Emotionally, he was whacked! And suddenly, so was I!

No more mowing--just waves of grief! Not huge waves, but waves none-the-less! So, once again--I was reminded, rather strongly, that I DIDN'T know what was really going on and my rights had NOT been violated!

Conclusion? I told Travis to go home...take some time by himself--I would close up the airport for him. And he did! When I returned home, he had been able to share with one of our kids, over the phone, about something happening in their lives and was renewed once again! He'd been able to cry and woke up this morning--back to his cheerful self.

Needless to say, I'm still feeling pretty embarrassed and humbled inside. I just wish that I could remember this lesson the next time something comes up!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Called to Love

I've been doing a great deal of thinking about friendship. And, what does God really have in mind when He tells us that we need to love one another!

I have a close friend who is going through a very difficult time. She loves God, but is married to a person who does NOT! So, that's an issue between them...but more than that...he has chosen to be very unkind to her. I'm not pointing the finger or drawing conclusions about his beliefs vs. her beliefs. Love is a DECISION! We choose to love and there have been many times in my life when I've chosen to not love, because of my selfishness.

So, I think that it all boils down to this. I have a duty, an obligation, a responsibility, but more than that, the privilege to stand beside my friend through this hard time because she is a sister in the Body of Christ. Jesus told us to love members of His family fervently.

What I find so interesting is that often times, members of God's family are not necessarily people that I would choose to "hang out with." I don't always have much in common with them...they may come from completely different backgrounds than I do. They believe differently about what "church" should look like, they don't always respond like Jesus (nor do I), etc. etc., and yet, I'm told to love fervently!

I'm not told to straighten everyone out (according to my standards) or to be judgmental or critical, but to love! I think this takes practice. And discipline. And realization that I must choose to love--that I won't always feel like it. And acknowledgment that I can not do this without God's intervention.

So, guess what God is having me do? I'm out here at the airport and am being directed (in my heart) to serve and help my husband. I would much rather be home--cleaning up the house, starting another painting project, making crafts, etc.

Instead, Travis needed help yesterday with spraying weed killer behind him as he weed whacked. It was stinky, hot, heavy to carry the apparatus for spraying and I did NOT want to do it. But, that little voice came into my head and said, "Are you going to choose to love or will you make this hard on one of the members of God's family?"

I started spraying and little by little, I began to enjoy being outside! Then, Travis had to go fly with a student and the thoughts buzzed around in my head, "Oh sure! He leaves you to do the dirty work!" But, other softer thoughts said, "You are being a help to him! You are loving him by lifting the load."

Within a very short period of time, the job was finished. Are there still hours of spraying and weed whacking ahead? Yes! Hours of mowing, etc? Yes! Will it all end? Yes, when the cold weather sets in. But, I am being disciplined through this experience to learn what it means to be a servant and how to love more like God loves us!

My friend? I'm walking with her through this time...praying for her and her husband, trying not to be critical and bad-tempered towards him. And Travis? I'm trying to remember that yes, he's my husband, but most of all, he's another member of God's family and I've been called to LOVE!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I'm still here...

Good morning! It's been well over one month since I last wrote. So much has happened in such a short amount of time!

My mother-in-law, Evelyn, came for a month visit. Travis and I flew to MN to pick her up and bring her back. It was interesting getting her into a small plane, as she's not very mobile now. I guess being 90 years old gives her some excuse! She requires constant care and my sister-in-law, Sandy, needed a much-needed break!

Jessica and her boys were also with us during most of that time and Evelyn thoroughly enjoyed all the hustle and bustle of having little children around. Corban (8) was quite fascinated with watching Travis give his mom insulin shots and often wondered why she didn't remember things that she had just said.

Joshua (7 months) was really crawling and pulling himself up on furniture, chortling and "talking" up a storm! She loved his soft little head and constantly commented on how cute he was.

We spent lots of time singing old songs, hymns, listening to CDs and reading out loud from James Herriot's book, "All Things Bright and Beautiful".

All in all, it was a very good visit and we all came to appreciate the care that is required to make her final days on earth pleasant!

Our house is quiet again. It's nice, but sad too! I miss all the liveliness of youth, but they have their own lives to live also. Just wish that they weren't so far, far away from us!

My mom gave us a sauna when I was in Alaska. It's a one-person unit that has a pad that you lie on, and a dome apparatus that fits over the top of you. So, Travis and I have been enjoying that in the evenings. We put on a good movie, then take turns in the "sweat-box". All I can say is that we sure sleep well!

Travis and one of his students, Shawn, were taxiing on the turf runway, getting ready to do a short-field takeoff, when all of a sudden, the front of the plane dropped to the ground. They jumped out and found that an old storm-drain had collapsed when the nose wheel rolled over it. Needless to say, it was fortunate that no one was hurt, but most unfortunate for the plane. There is some damage that needs to be addressed and our other plane that we use for training is still sitting in the mechanic's shop waiting for repairs, as well.

God provided another plane that we could lease for training and one of Travis's students who was ready to take his check ride, was able to finish up and get his pilot's license! In the meantime, the insurance company will cover the whole thing, but the plane will probably be out of service for over a month!

You never know what life will bring, do you? And yet, the Lord desires that we praise Him even when we don't understand why things happen! I'm so glad that I'm not in charge of running the universe!

Well, that's about it for now! Just to catch everyone up! And, I promise to take "pen" (keyboard) in hand and write more often!